VT Mommies

Love your family, love yourself

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During the time of pregnancy it is not advisable to wear heels and many doctors suggest it may cause some risks to you and your baby. There are several effects that can be caused by wearing heels at the time of pregnancy. While, wearing heels for long time makes the calf muscles to be in a contracted position that tends to cramps in muscles which brings problems during pregnancy. Also high heels can alter the posture, whereas during pregnancy you will gain weight in front and posture change may cause pain. In the time of pregnancy ligament in lower back and legs were loosened so wearing heels gives more pressure to the pelvic and back joints because of no proper support. This causes pain in joints and ligaments of lower back and pelvic area.

There are many medical state which are recognized as edema or inflammation in legs, ankles and foot, whereas it is common at the time of pregnancy so wearing heels or tight shoes leads to swollen feet along with that it causes more pain. During pregnancy period the ankles strength will be reduced because of excess weight and changes in body hormones due to this balancing capacity were lowered. So, wearing heels on this time have a higher chance of losing balance and tripping over that ends up in injury to you and your child as well. Not only that, it have high risks of miscarriage also. To avoid such risks it is better to not wear heels during pregnancy.

Wear high heels during pregnancy safely keeping several concerns in mind

Those having habit of wearing heels have difficulties to not wear them during pregnancy, as they can wear heels while pregnancy by keeping certain precautions in mind. You can wear low heels in the first trimester as the hormonal flow will increase and muscles stretch after that only. Try to use lower and branded heels also good to avoid platform or kitten heels while it is better to get comfortable shoes to wear. There is a situation to wear heels for entire day during pregnancy then it is necessary to take short breaks as need to relax the feet for a while by taking off them and then can put it on. It is not advisable to wear wedge heels on pregnancy time as they can harm. It is best to avoid walking or standing in high heels in parties or outings for long time and if it is necessary to do so, then try to sit and rest at most. Feeling discomfort on wearing heels then do stretching workouts for calf muscles and give a massage to the feet gently which can ease the pain. To the most try to avoid wearing heels during pregnancy is good for you and your baby.

Be comfortable by using shoes in pregnancy

In the pregnancy period it is better make use of pregnancy shoes that are comfortable to wear as walking in barefoot while pregnant is not good as they can harm or cause foot problems. It is important to wear supportive shoes in proper size to prevent from bunions, hammertoes, over-pronation and other foot problems. There are many numbers of best shoes for pregnancy are available on online store among that choose the one comfortable for you and it is necessary to give importance on choosing the maternity shoes as it is not only going to carry only you also carrying your baby. The best and comfortable shoes that can be used during pregnancy are as follows.

Rothy’s the sneaker – It is an eco-friendly brand and can feel like royalty by wearing this and their shape made it excellent to wear in pregnancy time.

Clarks Raisie Eletta Loafers – It is the most comfortable shoes for pregnancy as they have cushioned footbeds and OrthoLite insoles that offer moisture-wicking technology.

Fly London Waterproof Gore-Tex Chelsea Boot – It can withstand in any weather and their cushioned footbed gives best arch support.

Birkenstock Arizona Big Buckle Slide Sandal – It is more comfortable to wear because of their contoured cork footbeds as they mimic the shape of your foot which makes it to be great support and it is perfect shoes to wear in pregnancy during summer.


Actually, every women need to be conscious on many things during their pregnancy time. So, it will be quite tough to keep track on what to consumer every day, even knowing what to drink or more essentially what not to drink over the period of pregnancy. When it comes to drinking the best tea for pregnancy or any fruit juice to a glass of milk, you may have a vast range of serious thoughts. When it comes to considering the pregnancy diet, it is common for the pregnant women to be more careful in following the foods and drinks.

Fresh juices

If you would like to drink the fruit juices, you just opt for the pasteurized option in the market rather than the fresh juices at a food court. These fresh juices might consist of dangerous bacteria. Instead of, you have a piece of fresh fruit daily.


During pregnancy, it is good to avoid caffeine; because it is a stimulant that can improve your heart rate. This in turn might enhance the stress to baby and also significantly improve your risk of miscarriage. If you would actually want your routine caffeine constant during pregnancy, you just need to limit yourself to 200 mg of caffeine per day, which is equivalent to dual cups of normal tea or coffee. Nowadays, the cold beverages and drinks consist of chocolate that include a tiny portion of caffeine, so you should drink in these control. Otherwise, you might have up to dual cups of decaffeinated coffee or tea per day.


Having alcohol drinks during pregnancy might also affect the growth of fetus and also lead to lesser the mental issues and physical growth, where this condition is known as fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS). Drinking alcohol during pregnancy might also lead to stillbirth, miscarriage and also premature birth.

Avoid too many sugary beverages

In fact, not all kinds of drinks are made equal. Even some of the sports drink consists of carbohydrates in the form of sugar, minerals, some proteins and also electrolytes. Actually, sugar can be consumed during pregnancy in control, if you do not have type I, type II or any gestational diabetes. But in good health, it is okay to consume sugar during pregnancy, but you might still need to study observing how much you are drinking the sugary beverages. But, you can make sure that you are not depending on sports drinks or any drinks with larger amounts of sugar.

Is drinking tea safe during pregnancy?

Any tea like black tea, green tea or any other varieties is a healthy drink. But now, most of the pregnancy women are asking that whether or not it is safe to drink tea during pregnancy. The most crucial factor to concern is the caffeine content of tea and also there is evidence that the high doses of caffeine can cause any health problems. Drinking tea in heavier amounts during the time of pregnancy or the conception can result in the body that is not being able to utilize the folates in a perfect way. During the pregnancy time, it is goof to consume in moderate amounts. Also, taking green tea during pregnancy is not a bad thing, if you do not overdo it. One of the major drawbacks of drinking green tea during pregnancy is due to the caffeine content. Even many doctors always advise their pregnant patients to control their intake of caffeine.

tea safe for pregnancy

Best healthy tea for pregnant woman

Usually, women can drink tea throughout their pregnancies. If you look for the best tea for pregnancy, the raspberry leaf tea is a right choice for you. Naturally, this raspberry leaf tea is made from the leaves of raspberry plant. This leaf brewed as a tea, which is a safe tonic herb for the pregnant. This tea is also great in very high in assortment of nutrients that are more essential during the pregnancy. One of these essential nutrients is known as fragrine. It has been shown to improve the strength and also relax the muscles of uterus. In addition to, it highly supports with delivery and eases the labour process. Therefore, this tea has withstood the test of time and it has been widely used by pregnancy woman historically.

My partner and I like to remind ourselves that parenting won’t always be so hard. It will always be hard, but having young kids — twin one-year-old boys and a three-year-old daughter  — is really hard. Like, sleep-deprived, irritable, I-don’t-think-I-will-ever-get-to-sit-down-again, what-a-shit-show hard. But Amy and I are holding onto the hope that as the kids get older, some things will get easier. Our daughter is proof of this. Her independence is almost canceled out by the unrelenting “outer dialogue” she fills our ears with on a daily basis. She talks all day long to herself, to us, and to her imaginary friends. Yet, I still prefer that over the boys’ inability to talk and subsequent whining.

I refuse to think about the years where hormones, heartbreaks, and curfews will exhaust me. But as we wait for our young children to get a little bit older so that we can go to the beach, the park, or across the street without a snack and diaper bag, Amy and I like to daydream and think about the things we miss about not having kids … The things we know we’ll get back someday, but with the benefit of three awesome kids. Here are some of the things we long for.

  • Sleep. Uninterrupted sleep. Sleep until noon sleep.
  • Spontaneity. Tantrums and projectile vomit totally fill our lives with spontaneous events, but having the ability to do anything without forethought or a plan would be awesome.
  • Being asked to do something spontaneous. Sadly, our friends know better.
  • Showering or going to the bathroom without interruption, phantom cries, or company.
  • Eating without stopping every three minutes to re-fill two highchair trays we can’t keep full because the boys eat like they have tapeworms.
  • Eating without a toddler or babies looking at you like they haven’t eaten in days. Between open mouths and our daughter reminding me “sharing is caring,” I want to scream, “Mama doesn’t share food!”
  • Being around people who get my Friends references.
  • Working out.
  • Date nights.
  • Not having laundry-folding, dish-washing, and lunch-making as prerequisites for bedtime.
  • Having the ability to stay awake long enough to read more than a blog post on my phone before bed.
  • Books that are written for adults.
  • Television and movies for adults.
  • Finishing a cup of coffee before it goes cold.
  • Sleep. Uninterrupted Sleep. Sleep until noon sleep.

I could go on and on. But I have been hiding in the bathroom long enough. And I only get so much free time during the day that is not between the hours of midnight and 6:00 am. Care to add to the list? Sharing is caring!


Hi Vicki –

I’ve been reading Duct Tape Parenting and am wondering, have you worked with any families with children with special needs? My daughter has Down Syndrome. We have the same expectations of her at home as we do of her siblings. Are there any special considerations when applying Duct Tape to her?

Thank you!


Vicki’s Answer

Dear Kelly,

Although I don’t work specifically with parents who are raising a child with a particular special need, in your case Down Syndrome, my husband is a special educator at the high school level and we talk daily about how this approach to parenting impacts his students, what works and what doesn’t, and what kinds of modifications he makes to accommodate a particular student.

This less-is-more approach to parenting is based on concepts that support the relationship we have with our children and their ability to become independent, self-reliant, engaged people. The concepts apply to anyone we are in relationship with.  The techniques and strategies provide a structure that can be modified to accommodate any child at different stages of development or with special needs.

Every child is unique and as parents it is our job to modify the techniques and strategies we use, the expectations we have of the child, the time we allow a child to create a healthy habit, and master a task or learn how to deal with frustration and disappointment.  For instance, one child might find it easy to get up in the morning and get dressed, and so on.  It might take longer for your child to master her morning routine.  It might require a technique that helps her to keep track of the tasks and whether they have been completed, but as you say keep the expectations the same.  It might require more support and encouragement.  It might require letting her deal with a bit of frustration, but perhaps not as much as another child might be allowed to experience.  Another example might be around hygiene and manners.  These are areas that might need additional training.  It might even require more “reminding” until a habit of daily hygiene and manners is solidified, and again working toward the same goal.

It is important that we look at each child as a unique human being who is driven to feel a sense of belonging and significance in the family and to master her environment.  Anything we can do as parents to assist and support our children in this endeavor will go a long way to helping them create a meaningful and fulfilling life.

Please let me know if you have any more questions.


Tina originally shared this story at our first VT Mommies Adult Story Time. As she read, the tears began to fall. Her tears, our tears. Her simple, beautiful story is one many of us know so well and we thought it was worth sharing again here.  

I have always been an out of sight, out of mind individual.  However, when I found out that I was expecting, it was a bit of a departure for me to want to savor the experience of every minute, and moment of my pregnancy.  I immediately felt like I was a mother.  I stopped drinking soda and coffee, kept a daily journal of everything I ate, got my 8+ hours of sleep, and read and visited every pregnancy and child birth related book and website known to man.  I was proactive and timely with all of my doctor’s visits and was that annoying friend that emailed all of the ultrasound pictures to everyone, and hung it on the refrigerator for posterity.  Even when I put the crib together, I cleverly placed the infant sized robe in the crib to stage it for the forthcoming life presence that would soon occupy that space.  Obsessed? No! An anxious expecting mother? Yes!

And so, it came…the last week of my pregnancy.   I was ravenously hungry, but because of my growing belly it felt as though my stomach was up to my chin.  It was very difficult to eat an equivalent amount that I hungered for.  I was in the middle of enjoying a small salad and London Broil that I waited all week to eat when my water broke.

My son was delivered 20 hours later, and in the middle of the night, he and I shared unforgettable and emotional first moments.  I looked at him in amazement, the way only a mother could, amazed at his presence and his little body, and that my body had this amazing ability to construct something so beautiful, and yet so needy for me, his mother.  But as much as I thought he needed me, I realized that I needed him.  This was MY chance at a ‘second life’ so to speak, a new opportunity to reinvent and discover new facets of myself, and to uncover new abilities about myself yet to be known or understood.  In my delirious state of fatigue, I was still able to speak the words…. “you are MY rebirth…MY salvation.”  And in that moment, is when I REALLY began to feel like a mom.

Tuesday morning, 7:53 am.  I just finished loading the car and strapped Eva into her car seat.  As I sigh, knowing I need to get out of the house about 15 minutes sooner to be on time, I hear Eva ask, “You have two coffees, Mommy?”

I look down.  Yes, I do have two coffees:  the mug of coffee I have relocated from the house to the car, as if I physically cannot put it down until it is empty, and the travel mug I will hold as soon as the house mug is empty.  I also have a Red Bull in my lunch box and have said a little prayer that my reflux medication holds up and my ulcer does not start bleeding.

“Yup, Mommy has two coffees. Mommy is tired.”

“Oh.” And as if she does not play a part in my new state of exhaustion, she demands music, preferably Ke$ha or Lady Gaga.

With the arrival of our twin boys, Ben and Ryan, Eva has gone from 100% to 33.33% of my sleep problem.  And while numbers still add to 100, the level of sleep deprivation has doubled with the addition of two more kids.  The whole is absolutely greater than the sum of its parts.

I love my kids, but looking at them without the fog of sleep deprivation would make me love them more. I lust for sleep. And the angst of my longing ranges from a dull to an angry pain.

But as the day progresses, I begin to dread nighttime—irony puts a fine point on life.  The house gets quiet and slows down after Eva goes to bed, creating the meanest illusion ever. Just when it feels like I can breathe, the busy days suddenly turn into busy nights.

Lunches still need to be made, dishes still need to be done, and mouths still need to be fed.  And until that magical chemical in the boys’ brains kicks in to let them know sleeping at night is a good thing, I still have to summon the strength to be awake and functional through the long, frustrating hours my brain knows are for sleep.

The dread is far worse than the anxiety of wondering if your child will wake during the night. Or wake the moment you try to do anything that does not require their assistance, like taking a shower, having sex, or—best of all—sitting quietly by yourself.  The anticipation of crying and the sounds of phantom crying are awful side effects of post baby sleep disorder.  I can be out of the house, without the kids, and hear crying.

There is no longer wondering if, but when.  I know I will be dragged from bed no less than three times a night.  On the good nights, Amy and I are up every two to three hours.  I change the boys, hand them to Amy, their milk machine, and then crumble onto the blanket and pillow I have set up on the floor in the boys’ room.

Amy wakes me when it’s time to burp them and put them back to bed.  If I am lucky I do not try to change them again, hand them back to Amy, or stack them on top on one another.  All of which I have done multiple times.  The other night, I realized I was rubbing one of their diapers with a baby wipe, having forgotten the important step of taking the diaper off first.   And after exchanging a wet onesie for a new one, I heard Amy’s annoyed voice, asking a now common question during our blurry, middle of the night time together:  “What are you doing?”

In that moment I was putting the sleeves of a long sleeve onesie on one of the boys’ legs as if they were pants.

During the bad nights, and there have been many, the boys are up every 20-30 minutes, needing a pacifier, snuggles, or help passing a gas bubble. Which, even in my state of sleep deprivation, makes me wonder how the boys can be so brilliant to figure out how to make it through the birth canal, but they can’t figure out how to burp.

On the really bad nights, Eva is up too, demanding one of us be with her until she falls back to sleep.  More than once, Amy has tapped me on the foot to wake me after falling asleep on Eva’s floor or in her toddler bed.  We are working on sleep training, again, but right now I seem to be sleeping anywhere than in my bed.

Once the sun comes up, burning off the expectation of sleep, and the coffee is brewed, I feel a little better.  But the feeling of sleepwalking hangs on and I occasionally nod off to sleep in the middle of the day.  I may be asleep right now, next to the bathroom of this coffee shop I wandered into looking for caffeine.

Despite feeling like I have wet brain, I have gained knowledge, infantile wisdom, even.  And that’s what parenting is about.  After all, if our kids can’t teach us things, what’s the point?  I generally don’t have any idea what I am doing, but here is what I know:  A night with two-hour intervals of sleep never felt so good after a crappy night of 30-minute bursts.  Amy and I are totally united in our annoyance of the situation; we absolutely blame the kids and not each other.  And every sleepless night gets us closer to the night we get to sleep again.

My partner’s due date is in two weeks.  Things are starting to happen though, and we both doubt she’ll make it another week.  But really, with the way this pregnancy has gone, it would just make sense that the twins’ arrival would conflict with the two house closings scheduled for Friday—one to sell our house and another to buy our new one.  It would be the perfect climactic twist to the many unexpected, need to happen now, life changing events that our twin boys created since we learned we were expecting multiples.

We muddled through cold and flu season, in which my partner, Amy, and our daughter, Eva, were always sick.  I’m convinced that my ability to drink alcohol kept me germ free.  Amy and I even got a night out when she needed an overnight stay at the hospital.  Yeah, dehydration!  I slept in a chair most of the night, but I didn’t have a child waking me.

We put our house on the market and survived the emotionally and logistically exhausting process of showing it while trying to live everyday life with a toddler.  The day we accepted an offer on the house was the day I vowed to never clean again.  That vow lasted about 12 minutes, but at least I was cleaning because I wanted to and not because I had to.

More importantly, I was able to start nesting.  Sort of.  I was not able to set up a room for the boys, stocking it with clothes and cute baby things like I did for Eva, but I was able to was start projects that could be left in messy, unfinished phases.  I refinished old furniture for the boys’ room.  I painted a bookshelf for Eva’s new room, and I converted a tall bookshelf into a bench with cubbies.  We have most everything we will need for the boys, however, it’s all in bins and piles, waiting to be put where it belongs in the new house.

Timing, karma, and a loan from the Bank of Mom and Dad allowed us to make an offer on a house we think will be our next perfect home.  We are moving across the street—literally, across the street.  One of the hardest parts about moving was going to be leaving our neighborhood and neighbors.  And while it turns out we are not leaving our awesome neighborhood, our already nervous and confused two-year-old is about to become really confused when we are no longer allowed to go into what she has always known as her house.

It’s hard enough to explain to a child that they are allowed to look at something and not touch it.  I think it’s going to be hard on all of us to adjust to a new place that is a stone’s throw away from what has been so safe and comfortable, especially to our daughter.  How am I going to explain that home is no longer home, even though it’s right there?  And how am I going to explain why those strangers are in our house?

Introducing Eva to the minivan was met with resistance, but since she thinks the doors that open with the touch of a button are magic, she is cool with her new ride.  I will just need to find something magical about the new house to keep her from camping on our old lawn.

We have survived some meltdowns and dumpster fires along the way, but we never took for granted the good health of our twins.  We were nervous when Amy started to dilate at 29 weeks, but the boys have stayed put, getting bigger and stronger every day.  Without many restrictions, she has made it to nearly 36 weeks and I am proud of her and grateful for the health of all three of them.  Amy’s body has held all of my most important heartbeats:  hers, Eva’s, and those still echoing in her belly.

We are far from being done, and in many ways are just beginning our journey, but in one week we will have moved and the anticipation, stress, and planning of the event will be over.  And we will be a week away from meeting our boys.  Maybe.

I Was a Gay Kid

Long before I was a gay parent, I was a gay kid.  I was in kindergarten when I developed my first crush. She was our student teacher from one of the local colleges. I was totally smitten and when she left at the end of the semester, I was heartbroken. I barely knew how to spell, but I knew I was gay. Maybe I didn’t know what gay meant, but I knew the fuzzy feelings of affection for another girl were different. The feelings were wrong, and I knew I could never tell anyone about those feelings. Girls like boys. Boys will eventually like girls. And then they get married.

I struggled through 13 years of school before I went off to college. I played several sports and focused on being a good student.  I did everything I could to fit in. I met a lot of people; smart and kind people.  But not one of them ever gave me the opportunity to be open or feel safe about my sexuality. Between church and bigotry, my family was not a place for support either. I heard jokes about faggots and queers. I knew the hatred for suspected gay and lesbian neighbors, and I was taught the sins of homosexuality.

I kept what felt like an awful, shameful secret. I was terrified of losing friends and the approval of people I respected.  I was scared and sad. That is no way for a kid to feel.


It’s been 29 years since I have been five years old, and things are better, but not great. Technology has advanced much faster than human decency. I can ask my phone to dictate directions, but I can’t get marriage benefits or parental rights throughout the United States. Kids are still afraid to come out as gay, lesbian, or transgender. And if they do come out, some are bullied to the point of suicide.

We, as moms, cannot protect our kids from frustration, heartache or negativity.  But we can certainly make them feel safe and loved at home. I’m not suggesting this isn’t already the case. But it is a fact that some of you have gay children, whether they, or you, know it yet. I am asking you to make the possibility of being gay comfortable for your child.

I’m not asking you to swaddle your infant in a rainbow flag, though that would be awesome, or force your son to wear pink, which would be awesome too. I am asking you to remind your child or children that they can tell you anything.  Remember to talk about how much you love and respect the courage of any gay friends and family members you know. Read books about different kinds of families, including same-sex parents. Tell your kids you will love them, unconditionally, no matter what.

If this seems too hard, do me the favor of thinking about two things:  The next time your child hugs you or smiles at you—assuming they haven’t just done something that makes you want to run away with a passport and bottle of booze—hug them harder and allow yourself to feel the love and pride in your heart.  Would that feeling change if you knew your kid was gay?

What if your child came to you needing a hug because they were sad or hurt—again, assuming they haven’t just done something that makes you want to run away with a passport and bottle of booze—would you not comfort them because they might be gay?

Kids should be loved and nurtured, even the gay ones. Kids have enough battles to fight; fighting their sexuality, society’s tolerance, or for your love, should not be necessary. You tolerate co-workers, you tolerate certain family members every Thanksgiving; do more than tolerate your kid or their friend if they turn out to be gay. Accept them and love them. And give them the environment to love and accept themselves.

One of our many jobs as parents is to raise kids with confidence. Confidence comes from happiness, and that should come from home.

My husband and I are in that unique phase of parenting; we have emerged from the haze of newborn parenting and are preparing to have our oldest enter kindergarten this fall. This leads to a whole new world that we have yet to adjust to. Friending. Remember your first day of freshman year at college? Desperately wanting to seem cool, knowing no one, and none of the rules? Yeah … tune into that feeling. How do you make friends as an adult/parent/couple?

My husband and I are very different – he is smart, laid back, fairly quiet at first. I, on the other hand, have been referred to as “an acquired taste.” Finding folks who want to hang out with BOTH of us AND our kids – no small feat. We both work full-time, and so during our free time, we like to spend time together – wouldn’t it be nice to have other “couple friends” with kids?

When I graduated from college, I noticed that my parents no longer hung out with the parents of my high school friends. I asked Mom about this once – and she filled me in that the only thing that they had in common with the other parents were, well, us. So once we were out of the house – they all felt free to find new friends. Is this what it comes to? Identifying folks you’ll spend the next 18 years hanging out with at soccer tournaments, ballet recitals, and band concerts? How do you identify which ones are going to be the fun ones – you know, sneaking beer into the auditorium in sippy cups?

I’ve found that it isn’t easy to make friends with parents. I’ve tried to chat people up at birthday parties, soccer practice, gymnastics practice, mommy and me groups – I’m not shy. But often it turns into a parenting competition “my kids only eat organic, unprocessed, fair-trade food,” “my kids are in Montessori and can already play a concerto,” “I don’t believe in sarcasm – it stunts emotional growth.”  SERIOUSLY PEOPLE?  I usually don’t let my kids eat the Cheerios off the floor. That’s the best I can say with a straight face. And the thought of hanging with sanctimonious uber-moms for the next 18 years makes me roll my eyes uncontrollably.

I HAVE been incredibly fortunate to meet a couple of fabulous like-minded other moms in the parenting circuit – thankfully. And COUPLE friends? – it brings back the nightmare of dating all over again … ”Do they like me?” “Is it too soon to call?” “Should I friend them on facebook?” This is more stressful than choosing a daycare!

Get out there folks – make some friends!

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